Disappointment

Proverbs 13:12, “Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a dream fulfilled is a tree of life.”

We will all experience disappointment at times in our lives. There are a few thoughts I would like to share on the subject, and truth be told, one could write a book, if not books, on Christian disappointment. 

So, how do we define disappointment? Disappointment is the feeling of loss, sadness and/or dissatisfaction that arises when dreams, hopes or expectations are not fulfilled. The process of cultivating faith starts with a vision, a word, a spiritual seed, as the Scripture indicates. The seed leaves one with an expectation, because the promise remains, “Trees bearing fruit with seed in them, according to their kind.” (Genesis 1:12) The seed then takes substance and grows into hope. And hope in the Christian sense is the sure and confident expectation or anticipation of receiving what God has promised us in the future, and it is always positive in its final outcome (Jeremiah 29:11). Hope then materialises as we exercise faith, trusting completely in the Lord as the one who will bring the vision, dream, or word to fulfilment. 

And therein lie most of the issues.

The take-home crucial point is: “Don’t fight the battles God did not call you to fight.” 

So, the key is the adage: “Prevention is better than cure”.

First question would be, “Is my dream my own, the expectations of others or that of the world?”

We live in a postmodernist society that will test us on every side, and it would be useful to remember that we must live in an authentic, loving, dynamic relationship with the Holy Spirit continuously in dialogue, watchful and prayerful all the time. Then we must realise that every decision is made from a position of faith, fear or past experiences (positive or negative). Assumption and presumption are both equal enemies to our walk in Christ.

If the dream is self-imposed and fails, then, through the loss and sadness, we need to repent and pray for keener discernment. Evaluate the disappointment - where did it come from? Many cultural pressures, religious pressures, and even social pressures will only leave us disappointed in our “failed” circumstances. 

We must remember Job, who suffered catastrophe upon catastrophe, and his three “friends” who were ardent, authentic believers in God, all three operating freely in spiritual matters as would many ministers or pastors of today. They tried to find the cause of Job’s failure in his conduct. And Job fell into the trap, considering himself faultless in his own sight. The three friends' self-righteous attitudes cultivated a self-righteous attitude in Job. When we look at people outside of mercy, we will always invoke a judgment call, for them or for ourselves. The Lord then opened Job’s eyes, and Job realised that no righteousness can exist outside of God. And we must learn from that.

The amount of hurt and disappointment we endure because of friends, prophets, so-called prophetic people, or even people in the world is not only numerous but inevitable. Job not only had to forgive them but also pray for them. We must keep the eyes of mercy as we rely on Holy Spirit when we look at people who have disappointed us. 

Secondly, we must determine whether God was part of the hopes and dreams, as Paul wrote in 1 Timothy 1:18, “This command I entrust to you, Timothy, my son, in accordance with the prophecies previously made concerning you, that by them you fight the good fight.” This is also profound, because there might be a timing issue, a delay, or difficult circumstance. If God is in it, and you hold on in faith, it will come to pass, unless He has another word for you. Paul wrote, “Don’t live like fools, but like those who are wise. Make the most of every opportunity in these evil days. Don’t act thoughtlessly, but understand what the Lord wants you to do.” (Ephesians 5:15-17).

The key here is to dream with God. I can’t stress that strongly enough. David would be a perfect example here. He wanted to build the Temple, but God said no, prepare it for Solomon to do. His dream was curtailed, but he was sensible enough to prepare adequately for Solomon.

When a true prophecy is at stake, listen to Holy Spirit, enquire of Him, nurture the hope or dream through disappointment if God is still in it. Timing and people are always issues. Even the Lord has to rely on people's free will to obey to bring some dreams into being. And allow God to assemble the puzzle of joy in His time. 

We might even dream or fight with God and still fail, because we do it in our own timing and our own way, rather than building with the Master-builder. In 1 Samuel 15, God told Saul what He desired, but Saul took the initiative, believing he was still on the right track. As a result, he was not only rejected but also had the kingdom torn from him and his family. We cannot always expect God to align with our desires, hopes, and dreams if they are not from Him. A difficult truth is that God might at times grant us the desires of our hearts, but it will result in leanness in our souls, leaving us unfulfilled. 

So, how do we then handle disappointment when it comes? 

There are two aspects here, one is being disciplined for overstepping the line, and the other is the trial and testing of our faith. And the two are not necessarily mutually exclusive. (James 1:2) The answer for both lies in finding God; it is not a coincidence that after Jeremiah 29:11, verse 12-13 follows! “In those days, when you pray, I will listen. If you look for me wholeheartedly, you will find me.” These are but a few pointers to try and help us all cope with disappointment. 

Above it all, remember, “See that no one pays back evil for evil, but always try to do good to each other and to all people. Always be joyful. Never stop praying. Be thankful in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you who belong to Christ Jesus.” (1 Thessalonians 5:15-18)

Blessings

Ben

Our thanks to Ben for this month’s Blog contribution

If you were blessed by this article, please do share it with others